Part 1 - The Growing Years

Hi! What follows is a candid account of what's happened in my life. I'm sharing it so that people know how I know that God exists, in the hope they will put their trust in Him also. Life hasn't always been easy. Has it for anyone, really? There have been times of happiness and sadness, times of struggle and victory. Life continues its journey. I'm always learning, always wondering, always wanting to learn more - I love learning. I hope this testimony encourages someone on their own journey, helping them understand that this life is only a tiny dot in a much bigger eternal picture. For the sake of some who are part of my story, I have kept certain aspects to the bare minimum. So grab a cuppa, have a seat, and may you be blessed as you read.

I am a daughter, now in my fifties, the 4th of 5 children, with 2 older sisters, an older brother (who died in his 30's), and a younger sister.
My parents did not share the same beliefs.
Both had grown up in a church-going community. My mother became a Christian not too long before they got married. She told me years later she thought my father would continue going to church, too. My father also told me in later years that he had had a spiritual experience - a couple of them, actually. As a young boy, he asked Jesus into his life at school when a visiting evangelist was there. He told me that as he walked home he felt as though he was surrounded by light. Later, he discarded the experience and turned to atheism. I recall hearing loud arguments about whether God is real or not.


It was not a happy home. There was violence and terrible communication. However, my parents did have affection for each other, and they also loved their children. Neither had the tools necessary to establish a healthy, stable home. Both had had dysfunctional upbringings, with my mother and her sister having been removed from their mother at a very early age and put in permanent foster care. My father was the oldest boy in a very large family where life was often rough and tough.

With the frequent arguments that occurred between our parents about the existence of God, and the other unpleasantness that was often present, it was an environment where my siblings and I had plenty of scope to consider what we should believe.
Both our parents impressed upon us why we should go along with his or her opposing view, with the result that we ultimately chose for ourselves.
For myself, I have been aware of God around me for as long as I can remember. It's not something I can explain. I had an awareness of a Presence "around" me, even as a little child.

There were some good times. My father had lived with boats all his life, and so did we, so I have mostly good memories about that part of life. There were nice Christmases with the wider family in my very early years. While there were times when my parents struggled financially, I don't ever recall food being scarce. Both my parents worked hard.

When I was 5 or 6, I had a strange dream - commonly referred to as a prophetic dream in Christian circles. It's shared as "God's School & the Abyss" on the dream page.

When I was 9, I went to a Christian holiday camp. On the last night, we watched a film about the crucifixion. One scene in particular stood out to me. It was a close-up of Jesus' face; the crown of thorns was pulled down hard over his head so that the thorns were cutting into him, and there was sweat pouring down his face. He was breathing heavily.

My sister had become a Christian the year before. She ran up to me after the film and asked me if I would like to go out the back and become a Christian, as there was a lady praying for children out there. I thought, "that sounds like a good idea!" and off I went. Along with some other children, I asked Jesus to forgive my sins and come into my heart.

From that moment onward, I was aware that God was not only around me but now also inside me. Two things the lady said remained in my mind. That we should pray every day and we should read the Bible every day. I didn't have a Bible. When I got home from camp I asked my mother for one. She found a little King James version for me. I tried to read it but, at age 9, found the old-fashioned English language too difficult. However, I did start to pray.

As a younger child I had sometimes stolen things. I was nearly always caught but I would do it again. After I asked Jesus into my heart, I had a deep conviction in my spirit that He did not like me doing that. So I stopped straight away and did not steal again.

One of my first answers to prayer was about a lost watch. My mother had been to Fiji, and she brought us back some gifts. One of mine was a watch with a large square face and a colourful wide strap (photo is actual watch). We moved house not too long afterwards and I lost it. Months later, I searched for it but could not find it. It occurred to me to pray about it. So I asked God to help me find the watch. Immediately, the thought came into my head to look in the pocket of an old coat, which I had not worn for a long time and did not like very much. I had a look, and there was the watch! I ran to tell my mother about my answer to prayer.

When I was 13 I was given a New Testament Bible and began to read it daily. So I learned about Jesus more thoroughly and also about the early church and its teachings. A few years later, I got a Bible with both Old and New Testament. As an avid reader, I read it enthusiastically as I would a storybook. So I got to know it pretty well, too. What I read about God, His character and how He wants us to live for Him, became the foundation of my Christian faith. While much of the Bible is an historical account, I believe it is a special book, a living book, the writings of which have been protected by God and handed down to future generations for our understanding, knowledge and growth in Him. I believe that if we ask the Holy Spirit of God to help us understand the Bible, He brings it to life, through spiritual revelation and enlightenment - God can speak to us supernaturally through the Bible.

My parents continued in a rocky relationship which impacted all of us - their children - in various ways. As I got older, arguments seemed more frequent - although perhaps it was just that as a teenager I was more aware of what was going on.

In my early teens, my mother tried to make me do Bible studies with her and my sister, and I refused. It wasn't that I was against Bible studies. The reason was that I did not want to be part of the argumentative environment between my parents about God. But actually, from my point of view, my mother's faith was preferable because she had hope for a future, and my dad appeared to have none.

As a little child, I had not liked church very much. I found it boring, but for some reason I often wanted to go. My mother would come and ask me on a Sunday morning, "Do you want to go to church?" and usually I would say yes, even though as a little child I found mixing with other children there difficult, being quite shy. I remember being surprised to receive a prize for attendance one year. As I got older, I liked even church less. The ones we went to seemed boring and lifeless. It was probably at that time in my life that I was in the most danger of discarding church altogether. But then we moved to a new town when I was 14. My mother considered us "Methodists", but as the only church anyone seemed to know about what was the local Baptist church, she allowed my sister and I to go to that. The one thing I can say about this church is that it was filled with love. I was welcomed there as I had never felt welcomed in a church before. I soon became involved and remained part of it and its local youth group, which I loved, until I left school and moved away. My mother eventually joined this same Baptist church as well.

After this particular house move, my parents also settled down somewhat in their marriage.

I played the piano and guitar, so had sometimes played at school or youth group occasions. When I was 16 I began to play for church services regularly. From the very first time I played at church, I sensed a supernatural Presence, often referred to as an anointing, when I played. I have been involved in church music ministry for extended periods throughout my life. I love to worship God in music.

I got baptized when I was 16. I knew that in the Bible, when Jesus got baptized by John, John said words to the effect, "But it should be you baptizing me!" And Jesus' response was, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfil all righteousness." (Matthew 3:14-15). I did it because Jesus did it. It was not for another 10 years or so that I learned what baptism signified spiritually.

Of course, I attended school over all these growing up years. From the beginning, I struggled socially outside the home. At home, I was chatty and outspoken. At school, I was shy, suffered from stage fright, and was susceptible to social bullies, particularly nasty girls. I preferred the boys' "jungle gym" and physical games over the girls' activities, which usually involved some kind of pecking order. My favourite toys were Matchbox cars and a building set similar to Lego. As a family, we moved several times around the country, which meant going through new and often difficult social experiences. At each place I did establish special friendships which are still special to this day.

I did well at school. Maths and languages were strengths, as well as athletics. I might have followed the field of athletics beyond school had it not been for the social struggle. At the time I finished high school, computer programming was just being introduced. I was quite interested in that. Within a short time, it became a much bigger interest, although I didn't get the opportunity to pursue it properly till the children were older. It is likely my eldest son has inherited his deep interest in computers from his mother; likewise, my youngest son his love for building with Lego! Anyway, I had decided when I was about 14, that I would like to become a nurse. My plan, after leaving school, was to work for one year to save funds and gain work experience then begin training. But in my last year of school, there was a huge change in my personal life, resulting in a very different path.

Part 1: The Growing Years Part 2: Teenage Relationship Part 3: Marriage & Motherhood Part 4: Touched by Darkness Part 5: Struggling with Temptation Part 6: Divorce & Single Parenthood Part 7: Married Again Part 8: This Present Life